How to turn a work friend into a weekend friend

We speak to a personal development coach to find out how to make the transition from colleagues to real friends as smooth as possible.

For those of us in full-time jobs, we spend close to 40 hours a week with our colleagues. Considering these 40 hours can eclipse the time we spend with our friends or loved ones, it's quite natural to form strong connections with the people we work with.

In fact, 2006 research from the Australian Institute of Management shows that "a good relationship with my co-workers" is an important staff retention factor for 60.8 per cent of workers.

But what happens when you want to move your friendship beyond the 9-to-5 and turn your work friend into a weekend one? We spoke to Emily McQualter, personal development coach and Senior Trainer at Happiness Concierge, about the benefits (and risk factors) of having that Saturday brunch with Linda from Accounting.

Making new friends seems to get harder as we grow older. Friendships seem to fall by the wayside as other priorities - like family, health and career - take over. But having pals is important, and work is a perfectly suitable place to find new ones.

"It's incredibly important to us to feel connected to other people," says Emily. "And just because they're at work, it doesn't mean we shouldn't try and attract friendship. [You have] shared experiences, shared values. You go through things together and that makes you who you are."

Of course, turning a work friend into a weekend friend means you're automatically blurring professional and personal lines, which comes with its own risk factors. At the end of the day, you still have to go to work with this person, so it's a good idea to establish and communicate some boundaries between your work life and social life.

"There is a line that you need to be conscious of with your work friends," says Emily. "I would say stay classy. That means don't indulge in gossip about co-workers. Be really careful not to exclude anybody. What you don't want is to create the sense of a gang of two and make your colleagues feel uncomfortable about you being around. Avoid giving anybody the opportunity to think that your friendship could cost them their professional integrity."

Moving your friendship beyond the office walls is similar to another form of relationship building.

"It's totally like dating," says Emily. "Definitely don't try to rush it or force it." And there's a few tactics, she says, that can facilitate and create friendly interactions in the workplace:

Look for opportunities to run into them

"Whether that's sitting next to them in a team meeting, finding yourself in the kitchen together, or looking at attending the same training sessions or meetings at work."

Show them that you like hanging out with them

"It's about looking for the little signals that people give you about themselves, and then finding an opportunity to connect with them based on that."

Move into a during-work-hours invitation based on what you have in common

"Grab a coffee or a juice. Or if someone, for example, is talking about their fitness or you see them walking into work in their exercise gear, invite them to go for a walk during lunchtime."

Start with weekday plans before weekend plans

"This is a really great transitional step and it actually takes into account the thing you have in common (which is where you work). It lets you take that professional experience and take that step into friendship in a safe way."

Call them up on a weekend

"I would say probably aim for something like 10 or 15 social interactions before you actually call someone up on the weekend and move to out-of-work time or make your friendship Facebook official."

Just like dating, there needs to be a spark, and sometimes that spark can be one-sided. The key is to recognise when a colleague can and wants to become a friend, and don't be disappointed if they just aren't that into you.

"You really need to make sure it's mutual," says Emily. "Look for signals to understand if the person you want to be friends with in real life is serving it back to you. So things like 'do they smile when they see you?', 'Do they tell you little things about their life that's actually more than what they share with other colleagues?'"

Usually, it's not you, it's them. And that's okay.

"It's not that they don't like you in many cases, it's just that they want to stick to work at work," says Emily. "Or maybe they feel like they have enough friends right now, or they're so overwhelmed that they're just not open to it."

But don't take it personally, because there are so many opportunities to make friends in the workplace, and even if you do feel a sense of rejection, you can still be proud that you've made that person feel special. As Emily puts it, "Even when it's not reciprocated. If you tell somebody else that you think that they're impressive and somebody that you'd like to know better, they certainly can't feel anything but flattered."

Staff writers come from a range of backgrounds including health, wellbeing, music, tech, culture and the arts. They spend their time researching the latest data and trends in the health market to deliver up-to-date information, helping everyday Australians live healthier lives. This is general information only and is not intended as medical, health, nutritional or other advice. You should obtain professional advice from a medical or health practitioner in relation to your own personal circumstances. The information in this article is general information only and is not intended as medical, health, nutritional or other advice. You should obtain professional advice from a medical or health practitioner in relation to your own personal circumstances.

Disclaimer:
The information in this article is general information only and is not intended as financial, medical, health, nutritional, tax or other advice. It does not take into account any individual’s personal situation or needs. You should consider obtaining professional advice from a financial adviser and/or tax specialist, or medical or health practitioner, in relation to your own circumstances and before acting on this information.