Alisa Camplin: Raising resilient kids

Kids don’t come out ready-made or pre-equipped to live life. Fortunately, they are always observing and learning, soaking up knowledge like sponges. One of the most important things they need to learn is resilience – the ability to respond to life’s challenges – but they need support to accomplish that. As parents, that’s part of our job, and we need to be patient teachers to do it well.

This can certainly be a challenge because, as parents with busy schedules, we are always being pulled in multiple directions. Sometimes I’ll recognise a teachable moment with my daughter and think, ‘I need to get down on my knees right now and help her work through this problem’, but then my son pulls my attention away. I’m not a perfect parent, but I am taking the opportunity to continue learning and improving every day.

How many tantrums or breakdowns have you seen occur when a child is over-tired or loaded up on sugar? The first thing we need to do as parents is to provide our children with the foundations to actually be resilient. If a child is not getting nutritious food, time outside, exercise, and consistent sleep-cycles, then their chances of building resiliency could be affected.

I empower my children with the ability to make decisions, because this allows them to exert their independence in a structured environment. I’ll say, ‘We’re going to walk to school today, which way do you want to take?’ That way, they stop to think through the decision and can direct their life in a way that engages them. You can also use language like ‘What could be our plan b if it rains?’ This encourages them to think through options, and also to know that switching to a different plan is a normal part of life.

If you watch children play, there can often be a power struggle between, ‘I’ll be the mummy, you be the baby.’ Or, ‘I’ll be the doctor, you be the patient.’ It’s good for children to work through these tensions, but if you’re noticing that your child only does things one way, then encourage a swap next time. We all need to learn how to lead and follow, so try to find ways to do this in your daily living. For example, we rotate who is the leader when we walk to the park.

Structured sport is another great way to teach resilience. Kids learn about teamwork, about putting in an effort, adapting in the moment and respecting both the rules and officials. This helps foster mental flexibility that’s essential in later life. Sport also teaches kids that, while they don’t always have control over life’s outcomes, they do have control over their internal response to adversity and can learn how to manage rising emotions, as well as reset and refocus. Learning resilience is something that takes time, and the more opportunities kids have to practise these skills, the better.

Kids need to know where and who they can go to when they need help. As parents we should demonstrate that a range of feelings are normal and it’s safe to work through them. We need to remind them that learning and growing are sometimes hard, but we are here to love and support them, and that it’s okay to make mistakes – because you’re going to be there regardless. When you’re providing safe support, always try to focus on the situation or behaviour, instead of the child. Change ‘You naughty boy!’, into ‘I love you, but your behaviour right now is not your best.’

A former world champion aerial skier, Alisa Camplin made sporting history in 2002 as the first ever Australian woman to win gold at the Winter Olympics. After 18 years as a global corporate executive, Alisa now juggles a mix of sport, business, consulting, charity and governance roles. No stranger to physical and emotional trials, Alisa runs Resilience and High Performance programs to assist others in achieving their full potential. Awarded the prestigious Order of Australia medal, Alisa is passionate about mental wellbeing and helping people thrive. The information in this article is general information only and is not intended as financial, medical, health, nutritional or other advice. You should obtain professional advice from a financial adviser or medical or health practitioner in relation to your own personal circumstances.