5 mindset myths that might be holding you back

AIA Vitality Ambassador Kate Naess is a Paralympic triathlete and consulting Psychologist. Here, she shares her top tips on fixing some common mindset mistakes to help us find more happiness and balance.

After a devastating event or circumstance, we’re likely to feel sad, bitter and even angry. But there’s another side to adversity too: one of positive change and growth.

While adversity is almost always difficult, it can also be a springboard for personal change and growth, and more often than not creates an opportunity for learning.

As a society, we often undervalue the human capacity to not just survive, but to thrive in the face of adversity. This Joseph and Linley study (released in 2008) suggests “growth following adversity is about psychological well-being and changes in assumptions about the self and the world”.

The research proposes that experiencing adversity challenges the validity of our beliefs about how much we can control our day-to-day lives. This can cause us to question our understanding of the world, as well as our place in it.

It’s not that we have to like or enjoy adversity in life. But if we can have the awareness to learn from it, we can use it to help us grow. Five areas that are often associated with growth are enhanced relationships, appreciation for each new day and, most importantly, a greater sense of resilience and strength. 

When we’re vulnerable, it’s fairly common for us to feel uncomfortable about ‘exposing’ our emotional selves. It’s that same unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone, or do something that forces us to let go of control.

Social researcher Brené Brown refers to vulnerability as accepting emotional exposure and uncertainty. Brown’s research has shown those who practice being vulnerable and open can find huge payoffs such as increased life satisfaction, reduced stress and deeper connections with others.

By embracing our authentic selves, we invite all of these positive factors in, while also allowing for innovation, creativity and change. It’s important to stop worrying about what other people think, too. Most people are focused on their own struggles - not you! And definitely don’t worry about being perfect. Nobody is perfect. And the more you hold yourself to an impossible ideal, the easier it’ll be for you to give up.

Our thoughts influence our feelings, and our feelings influence our behaviour. And as human beings, we can change the quality of our lives by changing the attitudes of our minds. If we dwell on our worries or fears, we’ll usually feel overwhelmed. And if our thinking is too rigid or absolute, we tend to be resistant to change.

Life is full of changes, so being able to adapt our thinking to new situations is important to help keep us even-keeled. Our emotions influence how we act, and recognising this means we can begin to shift our negative thinking (this is called reframing).

The feelings we experience are created by what we’re thinking, and the judgements we’re making. Negative thoughts and emotions can cause us to act differently to a situation, compared to a situation where we’re thinking and feeling more positive.

When we’re not reacting out of fear, anger or frustration, it’s much easier to identify negative thoughts; it allows us to consider how we’re really feeling, and change our responses in a more positive or productive way. When you challenge your negative thinking, you create new neural pathways; the more you practice this new way of thinking, the stronger those pathways become. Win-win!

Whether you’re raising kids, being a sports coach, or managing staff, don’t praise intelligence or talent; praise work ethic instead. This can actually have a really powerful impact on our ability to improve.

Dr Carol Dweck, a psychologist at Stanford University, coined one’s perceptions of their own abilities as ‘mindsets’. Throughout life, we navigate using two main mindsets: fixed and growth. In a fixed mindset, we believe our qualities are inherent and can’t be changed. We focus on our intelligence and talents, rather than working to develop and improve them. We might also believe that talent alone leads to success, and effort is not required.

On the other hand, with a growth mindset we believe that learning never stops, and intelligence can grow with time and experience. When we believe we can become smarter, we realise that our effort has an effect on our success, so put in extra time, which leads to higher achievement. With a growth mindset, we believe we can develop just about any ability through dedication and hard work, and have a desire to learn. We’re also more likely to embrace challenges, and keep pushing through when setbacks arise.

We can all cultivate a growth mindset. We just need to reframe our thoughts, which we can do through practicing self-awareness. 

We all know the importance of exercising our bodies for optimal health, and that we need physical relaxation for recovery and vitality. Muscles need movement to maintain strength, and recovery for longevity. But our minds need exercise to stay healthy as well as needing recovery too. I’ll refer to this here as mindfulness meditation.

Physically, meditation helps decrease metabolism, lower blood pressure, and improves heart rate, breathing, and brain waves. Psychologically, meditation can also boost your self-confidence and expand your awareness, by clearing the mind and creating a sense of calm.

If you find ‘formal’ practice difficult (like doing a lying down body scan, or sitting meditation), meditation can also be done in other forms.

‘Informal’ meditation, also known as mindfulness, involves bringing an awareness into everyday activities, such as eating, making a cup of tea, exercising, or hanging out with friends and family. It’s about paying attention to the present moment without judgement, with a sense of openness and curiosity.

Research has shown meditation can help reduce stress and anxiety, improve concentration and productivity, develop a greater sense of empathy and connectedness with others, and provide better sleep and emotional regulation. 

Give it a try. While you’re going about your day, try to stay present and engaged with what you’re doing. If your thoughts lead you somewhere else, try not to let them distract you; just acknowledge them, and move on. What do you notice? What do you hear? I like to focus on my breath, using it as an anchor to help bring me back into focus, in both informal and formal meditation. It’s not about aiming for no thoughts at all, it’s about having awareness of them - and this is only achieved continuous practice, so add small mindful sessions throughout your day if you can!

Every great race I’ve competed in as a triathlete has involved formal meditation beforehand, and informal meditation while racing. So, as you continue your day after reading this, think about how you can exercise your mind using meditation too.

This is general information only and is not intended as financial, medical, health, nutritional or other advice. You should obtain professional advice from a financial adviser, or medical or health practitioner in relation to your own personal circumstances.

It was the passing of her mum, Vicki, that first inspired Paralympian Kate Naess to transition from Para-equestrian to Para-triathlon in 2014. Vicki’s memory remains a driving force for Kate as she continues to build her reputation as one of the best triathletes in the world. Kate is also a registered Psychologist and mother to Henrik, who is two years old. Kate is here to share her expert health and fitness advice with OneLife readers along the way. 

Disclaimer:
The information in this article is general information only and is not intended as financial, medical, health, nutritional, tax or other advice. It does not take into account any individual’s personal situation or needs. You should consider obtaining professional advice from a financial adviser and/or tax specialist, or medical or health practitioner, in relation to your own circumstances and before acting on this information.